Funny Birthday Quotes to Get a Laugh

Nothing works better than the gift of laughter. Get a giggle or a guffaw when you send birthday greetings to your friends, family, or business associates. Some people get glum about seeing another milestone birthday, and a laugh can help ease the melancholy. Others are hoping to be remembered on their special day. So, spread the joy with these funny birthday quotes. Make your loved ones birthdays memorable. AnonymousBirthdays are natures way of telling us to eat more cake.Steven WrightLast week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang, Happy Birthday.Samuel JohnsonThe return of my birthday, if I remember it, fills me with thoughts which it seems to be the general care of humanity to escape.Father Larry LorenzoniBirthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.​Robert FrostTime and Tide wait for no man, but time always stands still for a woman of thirty.Erma BombeckA friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.Mary SchmichLike many women my age, I am 28 years old.George BurnsPeople ask me what Id most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit.Robert FrostA diplomat is a man who always remembers a womans birthday but never remembers her age.John GlennThere is still no cure for the common birthday.

Jefferson Davis - 1839 Words

An Analysis of Jefferson Davis By: Blayden McLeod History 131-2101 John D. Sulentic September 3 Thesis Statement: Jefferson Davis was a very incompetent President and showed it by his policies and lack of action during the Civil War Jefferson Davis was born June 3rd, 1808 on a small farm in southwestern Kentucky from his parents Samuel Davis and Jane Cook Davis. After spending most of his childhood life in the southern frontier of Mississippi, he decided to receive a quality education, mainly because of his brilliance and strong intelligence. He attended many schools before he went on to complete a four year term at West Point Military Academy which later appointed him a Second Lieutenant in 1828. Davis was then commissioned to†¦show more content†¦One of the first major issues President Davis had to deal with was the decision to bombard Fort Sumter. President Lincoln had basically notified the South Carolina Governor that he was sending a ship with â€Å"provisions† to Fort Sumter, which is off the coast of Charleston, but actually the ship was armed with troops. Confederate intelligence had intercepted this knowledge beforehand and they had six men-of-war ships outside to intercept t he ship. General Beauregard of the Confederate army was given direct order from President Davis to demand immediate evacuation of Sumter and to use force if there was no compliance. The Union Major Anderson ignored the commands and on April 12, 1861, the Civil War had officially begun when Confederate troops bombarded Sumter. Anderson shortly surrendered and sent the message to the North that is was no longer time for diplomatic solutions. Davis felt Lincoln had maneuvered the south into firing the first shot and Davis said â€Å"The assault was made by sending a hostile fleet.† Davis was forced to take active measures for defense when Lincoln declared war on the South on April 15th and gathered many grateful volunteers who were glad to fight for there cause. Later, and against Davis’ will, Richmond was voted the capitol of the Confederacy. Despite Davis’ uncanny knack for being stubborn, heShow MoreRelatedWho is Jefferson Davis?964 Words   |  4 Pages Jefferson Davis had many different roles throughout his life. He was a colonel in the Mexican American War, Davis was elected into the senate, and was a U.S. Secretary of War. His most important job, was his presidency of the Confederate States during the Civil War. Jefferson Finis Davis was born on June 3, 1808. His parents were Samuel Davis and Jane Cook Davis. Davis’s father fought in the American Revolution, which led our country to freedom. Besides Jefferson his parents had nine other childrenRead MoreEssay on Jefferson Davis: Man of the Year1434 Words   |  6 Pagessimple answer. Jefferson Davis is Time’s Person of the Year because his actions caused the Confederacy to lose the Civil War. He was confident enough to convince many people to lend him their support, his handling of the military was that of a neophyte, and he refused to cater to the common people. Much of Jefferson Davis’s influence on the outcome of the Civil War comes from his confidence. Historian William C. Davis writes, â€Å"Never by specific act or design did [Jefferson Davis] seem to conferRead MoreEssay on Who Was Jefferson Davis?1141 Words   |  5 PagesPlan of the investigation Jefferson Davis was undoubtedly an important figure in the Confederacy. Davis was placed in charge of nation that had very few soldiers, little industrialization, and a lack of unity. Many historians blame the defeat of the South on Davis for being a â€Å"hot-tempered micromanager†. After the war, Davis was made into a scapegoat; a symbol of treason and racism. Who was Jefferson Davis as a person, solider, statesmen, and leader? A focus on Davis’ life, leadership skills, speechesRead MoreThe Jefferson Davis Historic Site And Monument1351 Words   |  6 Pages The Jefferson Davis Historic Site and Monument is located in Fairview, KY. It is 351 ft. tall, making it the fifth tallest monument in the world (coming after the Gateway arch, the Great Pyramid of Giza, the Crazy Horse memorial, It was originally planned by Ret. Gen. Simon Bolivar Buckner, Sr. in 1902. Construction began in 1917, but was forced to a halt in 1918 when the second world war started and the material s were rationed for the war cause. It resumed in 1922 and was completed in 1924. TheRead More Abraham Lincoln And Jefferson Davis Essay1475 Words   |  6 PagesAbraham Lincoln and Jefferson Davis Works Cited Missing   Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚  In this report I compare two great historical figures: Abraham Lincoln, the 16th president, steered the Union to victory in the American Civil War and abolished slavery, and the first and only president of the Confederate States of America, Jefferson Davis. Abraham Lincoln was the President of the Union, and Jefferson Davis struggled to lead the Confederacy to independence in the U.S. Civil War. Lincoln was treasured by the AfricanRead MoreSummary : Mountain View High School Jefferson Davis 1389 Words   |  6 Pages Jefferson Davis Cron, Adelle Mountain View High School Jefferson Davis was the first, and only, president of the Confederate States. His upbringing and actions as a young man led to a strong belief of state s rights and the innate right to own slaves. Davis was a strong spokesperson for these things in his early political career. His ability to attract and bring together the Confederacy combined with his military experience got him appointed to President of the Confederacy. His actionsRead MoreJames L. Swanson s Bloody Times : The Funeral Of Abraham Lincoln And The Manhunt For Jefferson Davis950 Words   |  4 Pagesof Abraham Lincoln and The Manhunt for Jefferson Davis describes the separate journey of the two most important faces of the civil war, Abraham Lincoln and Jefferson Davis. Swanson seems to write for the purpose of allowing readers to experience the final journeys of what he believes is the most unique time in history. This adolescent version of Swanson’s adult novel, Bloody Crimes, describes Lincoln’s journey to the grave and the manhunt for the accused Davis. The North United States was â€Å"led byRead MoreJEFFERSON DAVIS By Nikhilesh Kumar On June 8, 1861, the last state joined the Confederate States of600 Words   |  3 PagesJEFFERSON DAVIS By Nikhilesh Kumar On June 8, 1861, the last state joined the Confederate States of America. These 8 states were now a new nation, formed after Abraham Lincoln was elected. Their leader- Jefferson Davis, an American soldier and statesman. This man was Union’s bitter enemy. He was the figurehead for the rebellious Confederacy and was hated in the North. His life and actions forever changed the history of this nation. This man was one of the most influential people of the Civil WarRead MoreSlave Narratives : African American History Before 18771424 Words   |  6 PagesSmith recalls of her fourth husband, as an Army veteran who attempted to whip her but failed to do so due to his old age. Her current status was not revealed. George Johnson was a slave named and owned by Jefferson Davis. He was a very lucky slave to be owned by such a good master. Jefferson Davis never beat any of his slaves. This allowed him to be admired and obeyed by all blacks. Just like Harriet Smith, George Johnson lived amongst others slaves, to include his grandfather and father. His fatherRead MoreComparing Davis and Lincolns Innagural Address1451 Words   |  6 PagesThe bloodiest war in American history, led by Abraham Lincoln for the north, and Jefferson Davis for the south, both presidents, but two different sides. Both garner for peace, yet one is willing to start a war, while the other is willing to accept it. This essay will compare and contrast the political, economical, and social outlooks on Lincoln’s and Davis’ Inaugural addresses throughout the civil war between the North and South. Slavery, laws, and state rights drove the South to start a war, and

Wal-Mart and Nordstrom Free Essays

Wal-Mart and Nordstrom are well known companies and established brands listed on Fortune 500 list. Wal-Mart caters almost all needs of its customers from grocery to clothing while Nordstrom operates in fashion retainging industry. It keeps collection of more than 500 brands in its store. We will write a custom essay sample on Wal-Mart and Nordstrom or any similar topic only for you Order Now Wal-Mart Wal-Mart is the largest retailer in America. These discount stores became part of American’s life in 1960s. At present it is operating in 15 countries, it employs more than 1.8 million associates worldwide. The number of stores is nearly 6,500 stores and serves more than 176 million customers per week. The â€Å"most admired retailer† according to FORTUNE magazine has just completed one of the best years in its history: Wal-Mart generated more than $312.4 billion in global revenue in the fiscal year ended January 31, 2006, establishing a new record and an increase of 9.5 percent. The company earned almost $11.2 billion in net income in fiscal 2005.[1] Wal-Mart has gone through considerable changes through the year 2003-04. Wal-Mart had increased its advertising budget by $434 million between 2003 and 2004. The mission of Wal-Mart has been to provide good jobs, good works, and citizens and do good investments in 2004. The vision of Wal-Mart has always been to provide customer each and every product at the lowest price. Wal-Mart focused on cost cutting by its strategy on the merchandise mix and various operations. It utilized its database for consumer and requirement analysis. This helped it to understand the demand pattern of various products and helped in inventory management to make products available when customer wanted it most. The marketing activities revolve around the equation People+ Price+ Product=Value. Company’s promotional strategies are not limited to a particular source. Company has utilized all the traditional and modern channels to reach its customer with its best offers. Wal-Mart adopts simple price promotion strategy in all its strategies. Its website is colorful attractive and displays various products and offers in each of its web page. Wal-Mart uses billboards and signboards which are placed at the public places and the places with high visibilities. The pamphlets and print materials are used for both in side the store promotion as well as outside the stores. Nordstrom Its one of the largest fashion retail stores in US. Its annual revenue is $7,722.9 million. It is ranked 8th in the general merchandiser group of fortune 500 companies. â€Å"Today, Nordstrom has grown from one downtown Seattle shoe store into a nationwide fashion specialty chain with renowned services, generous size ranges and a selection of the finest apparel, shoes and accessories for the entire family. The company’s philosophy has remained unchanged for more than 100 years since its establishment by John W. Nordstrom in 1901: offer the customer the best possible service, selection, quality and value.† This claims to provide branded clothes in the best minimum prizes. It adopts various promotional strategies for the promotion of its store. These strategies include electronic medium such as internet and computers, events and programs and printed materials. Events like designer clothes events, in store beauty events, sales events and many others. The web presence of the Nordstrom’s website is elegant. It also works as a platform for the promotional strategies. Currently $ 5 shipping campaign is going on this website.   Its webpage has various attractive pictures creating interest about the products as well as self promotion of the company. It has its own e-catalogue which list all its product and accessories for the information and shopping purpose. Each of the company uses almost all kind of promotional tools to reach their target consumers and other stake holders. The use of web pages in both the cases has been different with similar objective of attracting consumer and selling. However the e-catalogue of Nordstrom and images used in the website is more urban and attractive. Wal-mart tries to attract mass and it is evident from its website presentation. Nordstrom conducts various events as one of its most important promotional strategies. Reference: Kotler, Philip, Marketing Management, Prentice-Hall Inc. New Jersy, 10th Edition, 2000 Nankani, Economic Growth in the 1990s: Learning from a Decade of Reform retrieved on 22 January 2007   from http://www1.worldbank.org/prem/lessons1990s/chaps/01-Ch01.pdf Serres, Chris Target vs. Wal-Mart, Is Target Corporation Any Better for Workers? May 22nd, 2005 retrieved on 22 January 2007     from http://www.reclaimdemocracy.org/walmart/2005/target_better.php http://investors.target.com/phoenix.zhtml?c=65828;p=irol-newsArticle;ID=233786;highlight=accessed on 22 January 2007 http://www.sathguru.com/Note_on_Retail_Industry.pdf accessed on 22 January 2007 http://money.cnn.com/magazines/fortune/fortune500/snapshots/957.html accessed on 22 January 2007 http://about.nordstrom.com/aboutus/companyhist/companyhist.asp accessed on 22 January 2007 [1] http://walmartstores.com/GlobalWMStoresWeb/navigate.do?catg=5 How to cite Wal-Mart and Nordstrom, Essay examples

Arrange Marriage free essay sample

Most people find love then get married while others are married and then have to learn to love one another (Pooja). But it’s not so easy to fall in love with someone when it’s against your will. Since the beginning of time we’ve constantly had some structure of arranged marriages, from Adam and Eve to the first caveman and cavewomen. The only difference is that they had no one else to choose from. The Caste system gave birth to arrange marriages, as the upper caste families didn’t want their children to marry outside their community and caste (Pooja). An arranged marriage is an ancient tradition that has followed us to the 21st century. Although there has been a decrease in arranged marriages since the 19th century it still exists(San Francisco Chronicle). Some say bash the tradition and follow one’s heart while others follow the rules and abide by their parents. The single fault in not being able to follow one’s heart is that if the person doesn’t fall in love with their husband, then what is the point in that? For the rest of their life they’ll have to live with the person they don’t feel affection for. Many cultures from different countries have a variety of traditions and in most cultures, particularly the ones in the East, an arranged marriage is one of them. From countries like India and China an arranged marriage is very normal, while in other countries it is uncommon. Surprisingly lots of people all over the world prefer an arranged marriage and send money to an organization for a mail order bride from eastern countries (The China Post News Staff). An arranged marriage isn’t for everyone. Most would rather find true love then be setup with someone they don’t care for. According to Anita Jain, a journalist at NYMag, living the single life of an American Indian is intensely demanding. Relatives are always pressuring her to find a guy and asking when is she going to get married. The only problem is that all the men her family sets her up with have no personality. She’s dated a few men who were not Indian but the relationships went nowhere since her family did not approve. Her father’s requirements for her future husband is that he has to be Indian and either a doctor or an engineer or make lots of money. In Anita’s article, Is Arranged Marriage Really Any Worse Than Craigslist? he discusses the issues that she faces as a modern Indian women’s struggle with arranged marriage. Luckily, her parents let her pick and choose. Unfortunately, not all families are lenient enough to let their children marry whomever they want, especially those who are very strict on tradition. In many Asian customs an arranged marriage is certain wh en in a very traditional family. Most eastern families are very strict with their traditions and when disobeyed consequences will be the result. In a lot of Eastern countries when parents are disobeyed it means that the child has disgraced the family and shamed them. Honor is the most important thing to most of these families and some are beaten or threatened until they consent (San Francisco Chronicle). According to the San Francisco Chronicle a Muslim lady was married against her will. Her mother threatened to commit suicide and her father beat her until she consented. She fled the unwanted marriage for a German man that she was dating before the setup. When her family found out her brother hunted her down and killed her for dishonoring the family. In another instance, a adolescent Turkish girl raised in Berlin was forced to marry her cousin in Istanbul at age sixteen. She later defied her parents and got a divorce. The Turkish girl was pregnant and returned to her parents in Berlin to give birth to the couple’s son. She then decided to finished high school. Afterwards, she graduated and discarded the traditional Islamic head scarf. She began working as an electrician and lived alone with her son. Her family felt disgraced by their daughter and so her two brothers tricked her out of the house to meet at a bus stop. When she arrived and killed her because she divorced her husband, refused to cover her head, lived alone and dated men (San Francisco Chronicle). Some of these ladies who were forced into arranged marriages were lucky enough to find assistance when they left their spouses. There are a few non-profit organizations that provide shelter and new identities to help protect these women. But they still fear for their lives wondering if their families would find them or not (San Francisco Chronicle). In the article Muslim girls in Austria Fighting Forced Marriages from the San Francisco Chronicle, a Hindu women was forced to leave her long-time fiance in New Delhi and marry an older man. She later divorces and moves away from her family. Even though several years has passed since the divorce, she still lives in fear that her family will find her. She now works as a nurse and still gets psychological counseling. Arranged marriages can end up blissful while some end up with disaster. A few women who stayed in their arranged marriages found love and kindness in their relationship. Others who stayed weren’t as fortunate and found hatred and wickedness in their marriage. Some of the daughters who were stuck in an discontented arranged marriage were beaten by their husbands and in-laws for making small mistakes. Daughters were abused and assaulted to tears and before they could get a chance to dry up their tears they were beaten again (Verma). No matter how badly they were beaten they would stay in the relationship to uphold the honor of their parents. Arranged marriages across the world are different. Many turn out to be pleasant while others are dreadful. Deep down inside all people prefer to pick and choose who they would like to spend the rest of their live with. Some get the chance while others don’t. Love and happiness are essential in a marriage whether it was developed before or after the wedding.